The "Ints" and "Exts" of Motivation

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What motivates us in anything we do? Work, place of worship, maintaining friendships… what is our motivation? Psychologists divide our motivation into two broad categories: intrinsic motivation, which comes from within—the satisfaction, curiosity, or sense of purpose we feel while doing something—and extrinsic motivation, which comes from outside ourselves, like rewards, recognition, or the avoidance of negative consequences (hence the title, “…ints and exts…”).

Most of our daily activities are actually a blend of both. Understanding which type of motivation drives us may offer surprising insight into our wellbeing, our relationships, and our sense of meaning. Let’s look at three common parts of life—work, worship, and friendship—through this lens.

Going to Work

For many people, the most obvious motivation to show up at work is extrinsic: the paycheck that covers rent, the health insurance that keeps us secure, or the promotion that might come from a strong performance review. These are powerful, practical drivers, and there’s nothing wrong with them—we all have bills to pay. But intrinsic motivation often runs quietly alongside these external rewards. Maybe you genuinely enjoy solving the challenges your career presents, or you feel a sense of completion in mastering a craft. Perhaps you find meaning in mentoring a younger colleague or contributing to something larger than yourself. When intrinsic motivation is present, even a long day at work can feel energizing rather than draining, because the work itself—not just its rewards—feels worthwhile.

Going to Your Place of Worship

Attendance at a place of worship can also be shaped by both types of motivation. Extrinsically, someone might attend because it’s expected by family, because it strengthens social standing within a community, or simply because it’s part of a routine passed down through generations. These external pulls can be meaningful in their own way, helping people stay connected to tradition and community structure. Intrinsically, though, many people attend because of a genuine desire for spiritual connection, a feeling of peace during quiet reflection, or a sense of personal growth that comes from engaging with their faith. When the visit is driven by this inner pull—a wish to feel grounded, to reflect, or to connect with something greater—the experience tends to feel more like a gift than an obligation.

Fellowship with the Friendships

Friendships, too, carry their mix of ints and exts. Extrinsically, you might go out with friends because you don’t want to be the one who’s “always busy,” because it helps maintain your social status, or because you feel a sense of duty to show up for certain events. Again, these reasons aren’t bad—they reflect care about how we’re perceived and a desire to stay connected. But intrinsic motivation tends to be what makes time with friends feel restorative rather than required. Maybe you simply enjoy their company, find their humor energizing, or feel like your most authentic self when you’re with them. When you’re spending time with people because you genuinely want to—not because you feel you should—the hangout becomes less of a task and more of a source of joy.

Why Intrinsic Motivation Feels So Good

Do you see a pattern here? From these three examples, a pattern emerges: intrinsic motivation tends to leave us feeling more fulfilled, present, and at peace, while extrinsic motivation—though often necessary—can sometimes feel like something we’re doing is for something or someone else rather than something we’re doing because we want to. There’s a quiet kind of freedom in intrinsic motivation. It asks us to pay attention to what genuinely lights us up, whether that’s curiosity at work, connection in worship, or joy among friends.

The next time you find yourself going through the motions of motivations, pause and ask: what part of this do I actually enjoy? Tuning into that small spark of internal motivation—even amid the external obligations of daily life—can transform a routine moment into one that feels genuinely your own.